Med School – Week 1

So I did get into med school. I have now moved down to the lovely South and finished my first week. I thought I would post during the summer, since I had no plans, but apparently I was too busy having fun.

And this is how I feel about my first bit of med school:

Trying to keep up with the first week. #whatshouldwecallmedschool.tumblr.com

And then I sat there and watched that poor little hamster like 50 times, thinking “Poor little buddy, I so relate.” Also, because the hamster was much more interesting than the biochem lecture I’m supposed to be studying. After silently laughing at the hamster for a solid 10 minutes in the library, I decided I was done studying. Today is not a productive day. Also, I’m hungry.

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I am so bad at this

So that died, the whole be a regular blogger thing. Like I mentioned in the previous post, it’s been a crazy semester. The irony is that originally I wanted to blog to deal with the craziness, get my thoughts out, organize them. Therapeutic blogging.

I also wanted to document my process in applying to Med School, and that hasn’t really happened either. Long story short, the process sucks, but more on that later. Later, as in I’ll do another post on that. (Really, I will.)

The final thing, and one of the biggest reasons for this blog was to deal with my mini-faith crisis. Well what happened was that faith crisis wasn’t so mini, nor did I write down my feelings and thoughts about it. What did happen was a lot of talking to myself in the car. And, I’ve decided to leave the  faith of my childhood. The walls all came crashing down, the foundation was swept away, and I no longer believe that the Mormon Church is true like it proclaims. I have now become aware that the church is full of lies. It was (is) a heart-wrenching, painful, and yet liberating process. I haven’t fully left yet, but I will someday. Guess I’m going to have to change my about. I just have to choose my timing carefully, because my family is going to be very upset over this piece of news. My husband, certainly was. He told me that my leaving the church, was worse than if he’d caught me cheating on him. Yeah, really, he said that, and meant it. That’s one of the things that bugs me about the LDS church; it claims to be an institution that promotes families, but really it just uses them as emotional blackmail and destroys families. I think I’ll end this rant here, before I get too upset, at some point I am going to try to articulate all the reasons why, but now know.

So here is one more post that is about nothing really, but there will be more in the very near future.

Still here!

I don’t have an idea in mind for this post. I just wanted to let the internet know I’m still alive. My poor blog was feeling lonely and unloved, so I feel like I should write something.

This semester has been crazy busy! My horrendous course schedule is to blame for the quietness of my blog. There is one class I’m taking, Women’s Health, that had a ridiculous amount of reading to do. If you could look at my assignments in Outlook (I love Outlook, I’ve recently been converted, and it’s fast becoming a best friend) you’d notice a highly disproportionate amount of the work is for that class. As much as I love the material, I’m hating this course, it’s wearing me down.

On the med school front, things have been quiet.  Dreadfully, unfortunately quiet. Okay, that’s not the complete truth. I just barely got an interview offer for some time in December. I was so happy to get that one interview offer, I really needed some form of positive feedback in this horrible process. I was getting so worried and so anxious. I wound up adding a whole host of school to the already lengthy list of schools I’m applying to in my paranoid, anxiety-filled state.

Oh yes, on the home front. Things have gotten a lot better at home. Hubby and I are getting along much better now. We’re trying this new semi-openness thing. Everything is out there, but somethings just don’t get dug into very deep. It’s this odd stage that goes something like: I feel x, and situation relating to x has been weighing heavily on my mind, but don’t ask too much more about that. Yeah, I don’t know. It’s not going to work in the long run, but right now it’s pretty good.

Another side note. I’d previously mentioned my dilemma about taking a job or not. Well I did, not the job I was originally debating about. Another job opportunity popped up that paid more, so with that little added financial incentive I conceded at went to work. However, it is an absolutely horrible job. I hate it. Every time I go to work I just sit there and think, if I wanted to spend my time cleaning up crap after other people who haven’t learned how to pick up after themselves, well then I would’ve just stayed home with my daughter. Oh yeah, my job is cleaning up labs and generally be at the beck and call of mean grad student.

And for the last bit of news, I’m now on anti-depressants. I’ve been struggling with postpartum depression for two years, but in my stubborn mind and with my odd convoluted sense of logic, I’d been refusing help. But I finally gathered some courage and wits about me long enough to make that phone call. At first she, the doctor, actually a nurse-practioner, gave me the oh-so-common Prozac. That was a disaster. It completely wiped me out. I felt like a narcaleptic, shortly after I’d take the pill, I’d start nodding off, and no matter how hard I fought it I’d fall asleep. It wasn’t just a short nap either, it was hours and hours long. I’d sleep for 12 hours or more, completely dead to the rest of the world. When I did wake up it was a for a quick bite to eat and then a bathroom break, then I was back in bed. I pretty much slept for an entire week. After that catastrophy, the NP put me on Wellbutrin, which is going okay. It’s not fantastic, I feel like I’m at 75% of potential, like there is something better out there. However, I’m not willing to keep playing medicine roulette. The next try might be something like the Prozac, or worse, and I can’t handle that right now in the middle of the semester. I’m going to try again in December after school is out. I’m going to continue the Wellburtin for now, much to the dismay of my checkbook. I paid almost $100 for one month’s worth! I don’t have the income to just budget in an extra hundred dollars. Hopefully with  the next try in two months,  I’ll find something that works fantastically and is a little cheaper.

Well that’s it for now, I’ll try to keep it under month this time until my next post.

$88.48

Payday. Not as much as I expected, not near as much as is needed. With a sigh I plop down in front of the computer. With a resigned click Quicken’s obnoxiously cheerful chirp greets me. I start subtracting out the monthly bills. There goes rent, daycare and utilities. Bye-bye money. Next up is payment for my husband’s student loans, internet bill, and car insurance. Last is the phone bill, smallest of those monthly recurring fees, so I save it to the end in an attempt to cheer me up. Oh and then there’s tithing.* Good ol’ Mormondom.

And what am I left with?

$88.48

Eighty-eight dollars and forty-eight cents until the next paycheck.

How am I supposed to pay the fees for all those secondaries?** These darn med school application process is killing me. Hesitantly I look to the left, where the list of secondaries sits waiting for me. It adds up to $1,255 in secondary fees. (That’s for 13 schools, by the way.)

I tell you I better get in. I’m not going into debt to now have it all pay out in the end. Yes, I’m going into to debt, just to apply. I’m getting a little jaded about this process. It is making it so hard for someone whose parents aren’t doctors to jump through all these hoops.

59.7 % of medical student’s parents have a six figure income. The average income of a med student’s parents is $164.485!*** One if five students have parents who brought home a quarter of a million dollars, every year. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not because it just so happens that the upper class feels such a great burning desire to help others, even more so than another demographic. No, it’s because they are the only ones who can afford to go to (or let alone apply to) medical school. It is wrong.

When filling out the applications I came across the question “Have you adequate financial resources to attend medical school?” I snort, laugh a little nervously and click no. I would’ve clicked no-freakin’-way, but that wasn’t an option.

 

*As a Mormon we give 10% of our income to the Church. Sort of like the Protestant collection plate, just with a defined number, and we discreetly hand it to our Bishop in an envelope.

**A small part of me is worried at the fact that my first thought is how am I going to pay for the secondary fees, not how am I going to buy groceries for my family of three. But seriously those fees are expensive. I can pull groceries off, I think.

***All of the statistics I quote come from my lovely MSAR, which is admittedly a year old, but I doubt it’s changed that much in the past year.